A Mother’s Love
March 30th, 2008 by MariahThere are not enough words to express what a spectacular woman Lorri Buck is. She is kind. She is loving. She is the kind of mom I strive to be. She loves her kids with a love that could move mountains. And I am writing today because she loves me in a way more meaningful than I can explain. You see, Lorri Buck is not my mom. BUT, Lorri Buck IS my mom.
I lost my parents when I was young. My dad passed away before I have solid memories of him. And my mom passed away once I had the chance to have memories of her - most clouded by her alcoholism. But from (practically) the moment I met Lorri, she has accepted and loved me. It didn’t matter where I came from, or what my history was. All that mattered was that Shaun loved me. That was enough for her!
Shaun and I met and started “dating” in July of 1999. By that Christmas, December of 1999, - Lorri was signing her name to my presents as “Mom.” God was so gracious in His gift of a “mom” that Christmas. I love her just like she is my mom. But as she likes to remind me - “Good thing she isn’t because then Shaun and I would have issues.” EWWWWWW! 
Love yah for comments like that mom. You make me smile!
I have has this wonderful GODLY woman to turn to through many of the milestones in my adult life. Getting married, having kids, loosing Riley… The list goes on. Lorri is human and does not always say the right things or do the right things, but her intentions are always pure. I am sure that ANYONE you ask would agree to that. She always tries to love.
Today I had a bit of a hard day. I went (during Tyler’s nap time) and had my nails filled. I brought the book I am reading right now - Safe in the Arms of God by John MacArthur. It is about what happens to babies when they die. I sat in the nail salon and was finding it hard to concentrate on my book, so I began to people watch. It was only about 2-3 minutes later that a mom walked in with a gorgeous little blond girl. This girl was not more than 6 years old. She had striking blue eyes that reminded me of Tyler. She had cute little curls at the end of her long hair. It looked as though her mom has never cut off those baby curls. This mom told the receptionist that the two of them would like pedicures. Then the mom called her daughter over to look at polish colors. She called her Riley.
I had to choke back the tears as they came rushing for my burning eyes! This beautiful little girl, whom I was already admiring, was named Riley. The rest of the time there, I sat and stared at this little girl. The back at her mom. Then back to Riley. I couldn’t stop the questioning on my mind. Was my Riley a girl? Was I missing the opportunity to take my baby girl out for an afternoon of pedicures and quality time? In hind site, I probably looked creepy to this poor little girl. I couldn’t help but to stare and stare. Her mom kept giving me kind smiles each time that our eyes met. That helped more than she will ever know. I left the nail salon after giving one last glance to Riley and to her mom. I really wanted to go and to say something to her mom. Something like, don’t take any moments for granted. Or maybe even, give her lots of hugs. In my mind they all sounded dumb so I didn’t say anything. I just left the salon with two feelings. One of joy thinking about that afternoon that mom and her daughter must be having and the second feeling was of longing for that feeling with my Riley.
As the day continued, Mom called. (Lorri) She said that she was just calling to tell me that she was thinking of me. I told her about my afternoon and how hard it had been. We talked and talked. As we were preparing to end our conversation, mom told me something I have never been told in my adult life. (maybe even ever!) She told me that she was proud of me. Even as I write those words, I am fighting back the tears! Mom told me all the reasons she is proud of me. All of my life I have been told that I have disappointed the various people in my life, some living and some dead. I have been told that my choices are “not what we would have chosen for you.” It felt amazing to have someone tell me that they were proud of me because I am me.
I am fully aware that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of you. The only One that matters is God. BUT, what I gift I was given today in those simple words. So I end today’s post with Proverbs 31. Although mom will never agree - In my eyes it describes her!
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Proverbs 31:10-31
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Easter
March 24th, 2008 by MariahHere are some pictures from our Easter celebration. We did our easter (egg and basket) celebration on Saturday afternoon and evening. Tyler was a lot of fun this year! Brandon enjoyed things from a different perspective - getting to be in on the easter baskets and he hid easter eggs with Daddy for Tyler to find. He sure is growing up!
Brandon got a computer game that he has been wanting from the Easter Bunny, and Tyler got a big boy comforter, Cars themed. (He’s not quite ready for a big boy bed. But it will be soon!)
Happy Easter!
Posted in Brandon, The boys, Tyler || No Comments
Catching up
March 23rd, 2008 by MariahDue to all of the various things going on around the Buck household; I have not been great about posting pics and blogging about what our family, the boys and the cuzzies are up to. So in an effort to catch up, here are a ton of pics:) Enjoy!The Buck’s in the snow February 2008
Here are the boys the next day in the backyard. The are just hanging out together.
Cuzzies in the bath (Day after they got to Idaho) Feb 21, 2008
Cousins Reunited - games and more
Buck and Hussey kids in the Idaho snow - Feb 2008
Celebrating Tyler and Jamesyn’s 2nd birthdays With NANA! (a little late)
MAN DO WE LOVE HAVING FAMILY HERE!!!! GOD IS SO GOOD!
Posted in Brandon, Life in Idaho, The boys, Tyler || No Comments
Loosing a granddaughter
March 23rd, 2008 by MariahThis portion of John Piper’s blog was forwarded to me though James Hussy. I have appreciated the love and prayers of the Hussey family in recent weeks. Thank you so much, James! I have been thinking of Riley since last night. And it is amazing how healing it is to hear stories like this. I could imagine Riley in the end of Piper’s story being introduced to Jesus. Praise God for his grace!
What I Said at My Granddaughter’s Funeral
September 26, 2007 | By: John Piper
I had the privilege of sitting with my family while Tom Steller and Sam Crabtree ministered to us at the funeral of Felicity Margaret Piper who was stillborn at full term on September 22, 2007. Her father Abraham asked me to speak for five minutes on “A Granddaddy’s Thoughts.” Here is what I said.
I didn’t know Felicity Margaret. My experience of her life was entirely through other people for nine months. And my experience of her death, even though it was physically immediate and touchable, has been emotionally experienced almost entirely through other people.
So at this moment, what it means for me to be Felicity’s grandfather is that I am living this loss almost entirely through other people’s experience of this loss. And because of my love for all these people, there is a powerful sweetness in this pain.
Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have tasted her loss through my daughters-in-law, her aunts Shelly, Melissa, and Lesley. The measure of her worth and the greatness of her loss have been written on your faces, and they are the more beautiful for it.
Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt her loss in the shattered expectation of her aunt Talitha, my daughter. It was not easy to go to school on Monday. But you and Mommy made a good plan with the school counselor to inform the teachers and students. And now, in a way you never expected, your heart is knit together with Dasia whose little brother Zach was killed by the dog a month ago.
Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt her loss through her uncles and my sons Karsten, Benjamin, and Barnabas. I broke the news to each of you and watched all your plans change. You are good brothers to each other. And I cannot tell you how much I love the tears and embraces of strong men.
Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt her loss through her grandmother, my wife Noël. Strange and wonderful. Your tears came slowly and have increased. Mine came quickly and have decreased. Almost the story of our lives. Thank you for knitting Felicity’s blanket, and weeping as you decided to give it to her anyway.
Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt the loss through her mother, my daughter-in-law Molly. For her entire life she depended on you more than anyone. You fed her, you cleansed her, you supported her, you protected her, you knew her better than anyone. The grace that God has given you to love her greatly and let her go is amazing. Christ is on display in your life.
Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt the loss through her father, my son Abraham. The words from Saturday morning’s phone call are cut into my heart, “Daddy, we lost the baby.” Nothing, Abraham, has gone deeper inside of me than your loss.
Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt the loss through her great grandfather, my father Bill Piper. And this experience is totally different from all the others. In this case, the loss is all gain. My father died six months and sixteen days before Felicity did. I believe the blood and righteousness of Jesus Christ covers the sins of all who trust him and all who are not old enough to trust him here but will trust him later.
Therefore, I believe Felicity and her great grandfather met each other early Sunday morning in the presence of Christ. And my father said, perhaps, “Hello, Felicity. I’m your great grandfather Piper. Come, there is somebody I want you to meet. His name is Jesus. He’s the reason you’re here. You don’t need to be afraid. Your Savior has led you all the way. And Jesus does all things well.”
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Good Friday (Great Friday!)
March 22nd, 2008 by MariahYesterday was Good Friday. We spent the evening with the Hussey Family. We shared communion together and Shaun and James read from the Bible, the story of the passover. We talked about what Good Friday is all about. Our kids played and we had great fellowship. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to have shared in this special time with our brother and sister in Christ! How easy it is to let Good Friday come and go with out a second thought. It seems to pass by, overshadowed by Easter and all of it’s festivities.
You have easter baskets, coloring eggs, and -of course.. The Easter Bunny. (oh, yeah, doesn’t God fit in there somehow?) That is certainly NOT how we desire to live our lives, but if there is not a conscious effort made to acknowledge Christ’s sacrifice for us, this can easily happen. I am thankful for God’s perfect timing with the Hussey’s move to Idaho. How wonderful it was to spend our first “holiday” together in honor of Jesus Christ’s death on the cross. How far he has brought each of our families! Both individually and together! The love of Christ is so evident to me in this way. In a recent sermon from John Piper, he talks about the love of Christ in this way:
- First, we know the depth of someone’s love for us by what it costs him: if he sacrifices his life for us, it assures us of deeper love than if he only sacrifices a few bruises. So we will see the depth of Christ’s love by the greatness of what it cost him.
- Second, we know the depth of someone’s love for us by how little we deserve it. If we have treated him well all our life, and have done all that he expects of us, then when he loves us, it will not prove as much love as it would if he loved us when we had offended him, and shunned him, and disdained him. The more undeserving we are, the more amazing and deep is his love for us. So we will see the depth of Christ’s love in relation to how undeserving are the objects of his love (Romans 5:5–8).
- Third, we know the depth of someone’s love for us by the greatness of the benefits we receive in being loved. If we are helped to pass an exam, we will feel loved in one way. If we are helped to get a job, we will feel loved another way. If we are helped to escape from an oppressive captivity and given freedom for the rest of our life, we will feel loved another way. And if we are rescued from eternal torment and given a place in the presence of God with fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore, we will know a depth of love that surpasses all others (1 John 3:1–3). So we will see the depth of Christ’s love by the greatness of the benefits we receive in being loved by him.
- Fourth, we know the depth of someone’s love for us by the freedom with which they love us. If a person does good things for us because someone is making him, when he doesn’t really want to, then we don’t think the love is very deep. Love is deep in proportion to its liberty. So if an insurance company pays you $40,000 because you lose your spouse, you don’t usually marvel at how much this company loves you. There were legal constraints. But if your Sunday School class makes all your meals for a month after your spouse dies, and someone calls you every day, and visits you every week, then you call it love, because they don’t have to do this. It is free and willing. So we will see the depth of Christ’s love for us in his freedom: “No one takes my life from me; I lay it down of my own accord” (John 10:18).
How thankful I am to be loved by God. How thankful I am for Christ’s sacrifice on the cross for me! And how I marvel at His resurrection and the assurance I have that He has conquered death! I pray that each and every person reading this blog, know the love of of God in this intimate way! I am so happy to have Good Friday, but look forward to Easter so very much!
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Baby Talk and Family Time
March 18th, 2008 by MariahToday was my first day back to work “fully.” I got up, after setting my alarm for the first time in two weeks, and got ready to go. To my pleasant surprise, Brandon got up and decided to ride with me during pick-up’s. I enjoyed the company, and it kept me from just sitting there in the car alone and thinking..
Pick up’s were only ok (as far as the # of pick up’s we did) but I enjoyed the company immensely! Brandon and I talked, laughed and joked practically the whole time. He must have known that I needed company this morning!
When we got home Tyler wanted to play the marching game. So we marched through the house shouting one, two, three, four.. one, two, three, four.. (he was counting it out!) We also snuggled in bed and watched Higglytown Heroes. (I hate that show!) Tyler even shared his “appey drink” with me. *That’s apple juice for those of you who don’t speak Tyler* Each time that he gave me a drink, I would say thank you. Then he would respond “yuck ‘um” That’s you’re welcome in Ty.
I am so thankful everyday for my beautiful boys! But especially today. The two of them, in there own ways, have brightened my day! Here is a poem I recently found that I love. It makes me think of my babies, (Riley too!)
Children Are a Gift from God
by Sandra Tolson
God sent me three packages
That needed special care
“Take care of these tiny gifts
For they are very rare.”
“Watch over them with all your love
And let them feel your touch
Take care of their every need
For you are needed very much.”
“These gifts will grow up very fast
As you soon will see
Love them with all your heart
And let them be what they will be.”
“When these gifts have fully grown
Look at Heaven up above
Know they exist because of God
And all his precious love.”
Posted in Brandon, Pregnancy, The boys, Thoughts by Mariah, Tyler || 2 Comments
Lightning
March 16th, 2008 by MariahToday my little boy got a big boy bed. One of our customers gave us a brand-new head board, foot board and mattress. She had bought it and it turned out that she never needed it. Lucky us - she gave it to Tyler! Whoo hoo! We didn’t have to buy one.
Anyway, I am pretty sure that the Easter Bunny is going to bring him a Lightning McQueen comforter set. Boy, oh, boy, he’s gonna love it! (If the Easter Bunny comes through - that is…)
I am not sure if we are ready for him to have a big boy bed yet, but he’s ready. Last week, that little bugger learned how to escape the crib tent. The crib tent is a devise made so that your toddler can not escape from their crib. Yah right!
So, in an effort to save Tyler from a broken limb from falling out of his crib. I believe that shortly after Easter, he will be moved into his big boy bed. We will post pictures of this big event. Hope it goes well…
Posted in Tyler || 3 Comments
Busy Week
March 13th, 2008 by MariahBy Brandon
Last Week was quite the busy week. I was so tired, that by Sunday I took a nap while my cousins were here. (Which for me to take a nap is unusual but specially while they are here.) It all started on Thursday when I went to the Hussy’s house to stay the night. We played a little, then watch Star Wars episode 5. (As written in the Hussy’s blog)
Then the next morning we woke up and went to the local christen radio station K.T.S.Y. for a field trip planned by Mariah for our co-op. After I went home and rested for a while,when in some unexpected way I end up going over to my friend, Addison’s house for the night. My cousin Julienne was spending the night there too with his sister Carolyn.
The next day I go over to the Hussy’s house again (And by this time it was Saturday) to play all day. I was there till 10:00pm (not including the summer time change) And we played hard! We were at this park across the street from their house almost the whole time.
And then the next day I’m back at my house, but my dad and Mariah have to wake me up at 8:00 (but it felt like 7:00 due to time change) for church. Then at 1:00 ( I had not eaten any lunch yet so I was really hungry) my cousins came over and we saw each other again. But (at least I) didn’t do to much.
In the end I had fun but was as tired as heck.
We’ll keep you posted.On other busy week’s or day’s.
Posted in Thought by Brandon || 4 Comments
Riley
March 10th, 2008 by MariahFor you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139: 13-16
For those of you who have not heard our devastating news, I have lost our baby. It happened on Tuesday morning, March 4th, 2008. As I am sure many of you can understand - I am completely hurt, disappointed, saddened and devastated. Words can not express the level sadness that our family is feeling during this time. I do not understand. And yet, I understand completely.
As the Psalm above clearly states. God has/had a plan. Our baby’s days were ordained and clearly “written in His book.” God, in His sovereignty, had a plan for our baby to be conceived and for me to have the pleasure of carrying him or her for only a short time. His plan has always been for our baby to go from my womb - straight to Heaven. And never to endure the trials, pain and hardship of this Earth.
I have had much “advise’ from many people about how I should deal with my emotions and the possible reasons why :
- It was God’s way of getting rid of something imperfect, there was something wrong with the baby.
- You can always have another baby
- Be thankful for the ones you already have
- Better to loose IT now than later
The list goes on.. I know that no one has intentions of hurting me further with their comments. In fact, they are just trying to help. But our baby was not an IT. Our baby was a gift from God. I was blessed to have the pleasure of this child in my life; not matter how brief the time. I loved my baby. I made plans for my baby. I dreamed of my baby’s future. Never once in my dreaming or planning was my baby an IT. Never once in my dreaming or planning did I imagine what God had in store for our baby.
I have decided that in light of the fact that our baby was a part of our family, and was in fact a baby, we would give him or her a name. We have named our baby Riley. I was not far enough along to know if the baby was a boy or girl, but this name could be either.
I know as time goes on, it will get a bit easier. But as for now, I am in a great deal if physical pain. But the pain I am feeling physically can not compare to the pain I feel in my heart. I hurt because I never got to meet Riley. I hurt because I never got to hold Riley. I hurt for Shaun, Brandon and Tyler because they never got to see Riley. (at least I got to see the ultrasound)
And yet I have extreme joy and gladness in the hope that I will see my baby again in Heaven. This is not the end. God has shown me unmeasurable amounts of grace this week through the love of my family and friends. I can not begin to express the many ways I have been shown love. And I thank God for that. But above all, I thank God that one day I will meet my precious baby Riley in Heaven. What a glorious day that will be! Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, (2 Corinthians 5:2) We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. (2 Corinthians 5:8)
I long for home! I know that just as God had a plan for Riley, it is also written in his book when we will meet. I long for that day. Until then, I will rejoice in my suffering and I will Praise Him in this storm.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5: 3-5
Posted in Pregnancy || 6 Comments