Happy Birthday Jeremiah Riley!

July 23rd, 2009 by Mariah

My sweet, precious baby boy has finally arrived. What a week it has been. I can’t believe that tomorrow he will be one week old! I love him so much and he is so perfect! However, he had a bit of a hard entrance into this world.

About 1am on July 16th I began having contractions. They stayed consistent and seemed to get harder until I woke Shaun up at 3am. We went to the birth center. Shaun called Tasha on our way and she met us there. I was honored that she joined us for the birth of our son. I was 2 cm when we arrived. I will spare the “blow by blow” details. But suffice it to say, I made slow progress. The contractions continued to come about every 3-5 mins but still no baby.

I was exhausted and discouraged.  The place that we chose for the birth of our son was across the street from the hospital and is called Mercy Family Birthing Center. There are 3 or 4 rooms, a living room and a mini kitchen. It is set up to feel like home. The rooms were very big and had a bed, large easy chair, and a birth tub. There was also a full bathroom. I made use of everything we could think of to progress labor. The birth ball, tub, shower, walking, laying down, etc. but little Jeremiah would not come. Since I had chosen a drug free labor, that made it eve more difficult.

However, I have the best most supportave husband in the world. He walked with me and rubbed my back, told me jokes and even sang to me to help ease the pain. I have never been more in love in my life. He is the man of my dreams and so much more! My sister-in-law Tasha was also there. She is also amazing. She happily jumped into her 12 passenger van at 3am, leaving her 6 babes at home; forgetting the fact that she was 12 weeks pregnant, to endure 21+ hours of labor with me. Never once complaining and having nothing but patience and love and empathy for me. I am so blessed!

When the time came and Jeremiah was ready to be born, I had been in the tub for quite some time. I wanted a water birth and I was determined that that would be the way my baby would enter this world. He did. However, his shoulders got stuck. My doctor acted quickly and helped me to deliver him, but it didn’t come without much bruising to my sweet baby. Despite the pain, fatigue and little blue, bruised baby; it was all worth it! He was beautiful and one of the most precious things I have ever seen.

I welcomed Jeremiah Riley Buck at 10:20 pm on July 16th 2009. He was 8.5 lbs and 20.5 inches of pure perfection. I can’t wait for everyone to meet him!

Posted in Jeremiah, Labor, Pregnancy, The boys, Thoughts by Mariah || 1 Comment

My 28th Birthday

April 7th, 2009 by Mariah

I had a wonderful birthday this year! It was a two-day celebration. We had the Hussey’s, Mom and Carly over after church on Sunday for a wonderful turkey dinner, cooked by a super handsome guy. Shaun went all out and did turkey, mashed potatos, gravy, rolls, corn and a “better than, better than anything cake.”

You see, we have had “better than anything” before. But Shaun gave it much thought, and improved on the recipe. He renamed it to “Better than, better than anything.” It truly was yummy!

On Monday, my actual birthday, Shaun and I went out for a date. Mom watched the kiddo’s and we headed off to P.F. Changs to satisfy my craving for some Mu Shu Pork.. Mmmmm! Then we went to see Fast and the Furious at the movies. I love racing movies and I love Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, so of course, I loved the movie!

I had a great time celebrating and feel very blessed by all of the phone calls, emails, and cards that I recieved! It really feels great to know that so many people love me!! Thank you everyone! Especially my husband and kids, for making my birthday GREAT!

Posted in Birthday, Life in Idaho, Pregnancy, Thoughts by Mariah || No Comments

It’s a baby boy! :)

March 31st, 2009 by Mariah

Yes, that’s right.. We’re having a boy!  That makes three boys for those of you counting. I am so excited about our precious boy!. I am 24 weeks along right now. My boy is kicking and moving all the time. Nothing that hurts though! Shaun felt him move for the first time the other night. What a blessing! As I reflect back on the circumstances of the past year and a half; I can’t help but to feel so blessed.

Although I feel undeserving, God has poured out His love on our family in recent times. It is so easy to feel down amidst trials. Loosing Riley was a hurt unlike any that I had ever experienced. I have lost my mother and father. I have lost grandparents, an uncle and friends. But no loss hurt, like loosing my own baby. It is wierd. I mean, I never saw my baby born. I never felt my baby move. I never held my baby. But I will assure you, that my baby was real. The love I felt and feel, for Riley is real. My baby was a person. No doubt!

Now, as I reflect on our joy of learning that I was pregnant last time, the pain (physically and emotionally) of loosing Riley, and the toll it took on my faith; I can’t help but to feel overjoyed. Looking back, although terrible and horrible, it seems as though God had a plan. **Go figure!**

I hate that fact that I never see His hand or His plans in my trials. But I love it when I can see His hand in our joys. Isn’t it funny, that joy is made so much sweeter buy past trials? Yet it is hard to see that when you are “in the midst.”

Anyway, all that to say; God is so good!  No, God is Awesome! He has blessed Shaun and I through the trail of loosing our baby, with a marriage stronger than ever before!  He has chosen, in His wisdom, the perfect timing to bless us with another baby, and He has chosen for that baby to be a baby boy. Our boy is healthy. I feel him kick and move everyday. My tummy is growing and I am loving every second of it. Do I have the aches and pains that come with pregnancy? Yes. But do I grumble or complain? NO WAY! I am blessed with these aches and pains. I am blessed with the horrible case of acid reflux that I had last night. I have nothing to complain about. There is only cause to rejoice! Praise God! Hallelujah! Thank you Lord for this! I find myself sitting alone and smiling like a fool and thinking of this sweet baby growing inside of me. I find myself amazed that as my belly grows bigger and bigger; so too, does the love and affection that my husband shows for me each day.

I love being pregnant! If I wasn’t so excited to meet my little boy, I would wish to be pregnant forever. There is no greater joy. (While very loving and accommodating during my pregnancy, I am not sure Shaun would share the same sentiment) But that’s ok. hehe. I am already finding myself feeling a bit sad thinking that I am more than 1/2 done with being pregnant. Isn’t that weird?

But I am also SO, SO excited to meet this baby boy! I have a countdown going and I only have 114 days until he is due! ONLY! I can’t wait to see him for the 1st time, to hold him. I can’t wait to introduce him to Brandon and Tyler. I can’t wait to watch him learn and discover, smile and coo, crawl and walk. I can’t wait! So, until then, my sweet baby.. Your mommy loves you so very much and I wait anxiously to meet you. Thank you for giving mommy such joy by moving and kicking each day. Keep it up little man. And as you grow in mommy’s belly, remember this - mommy’s ribs are not for kicking. See you soon!

Posted in Life in Idaho, Pregnancy, Thoughts by Mariah || 2 Comments

The Father of Lies

January 10th, 2009 by Mariah

Recently I received an email from a dear friend. She and I talk about the shared experience of loosing babies. My friend lost her precious baby girl, Hope, 5 days after she was born. And of course, I lost Riley after less than 3 months of pregnancy. My friend and I have such different circumstances, yet we have found that in grieving our children, we are so much the same. I feel like God has put this dear woman in my life for a very great reason! She has insight that sometimes I don’t have. Sometimes I have insight that she had not yet had.

In my friends email she mentioned hearing of a family who had lost their baby from a full-term stillbirth. It happened to be a couple that she was very close to from CA. Anyway, in her email she shared that the father of the still-born baby, who is a Christian; now is making statements quite reasonable for an angry parent of a dead baby. This father is stating that it is Satan who steals, kills and destroys. This poor grieving father believes, (at least now in his anger) that his baby’s death had nothing to do with God. That God was nowhere in these circumstances. I ask for prayer for their family!

My friend asked me in her email what my take was on all of this in regards to the death of Riley. Here is what I told her and what I truly believe..

I feel like God had a plan in Riley’s short life. I don’t feel like it was Satan who “took” my baby. That gives him too much power. I don’t feel that he is more powerful that God. Riley’s days were ordained. Written in His book. Although so extremely sad for me in my mortal state, I know that God has and had a plan in it all. And Riley is living in His glory everyday! Worshiping Him, never knowing the pains of this life. Never having sinned. Never knowing cold, sickness, sadness or pain. All that my precious baby knows is what it is like to see our Savior’s face. I will never wonder the faith of my child. For I am certain of where he or she is. And I am certain I will meet my baby one precious day!

Now, after pondering the above senario, today I got an email about a family in our church. The wife was pregnant and was expecting very close to my due date. She had a miscarriage today. Boy did those old emotions start flowing when I heard this! The pain! How my heart hurt. It was like I lost Riley yesterday. The tears began to flow. As they do even now as I write this. But the tears were not only for myself. They were for this poor mother. It caused me to ask myself, Will I be on the other end this time? Last time it was Heather Erwin, a friend in our homeschool group, who carried her baby to term (around the same time as I was due) and now enjoys holding and loving her sweet little girl everyday, while I morn the loss of Riley. Now will it be me who carries and ultimately births a healthy baby, while this other mother morns the loss of her child? Will she look at my growing belly at church each week and wish it were her? Will she see my baby, when born, and experience the hurt all over again - realizing that this is what her baby may have looked like? Would it have been a girl? A boy? I know I went through those emotions (and sometimes still do) when I see Rebekah Erwin.

In the little time I have had to process this information, I feel so equipped to pray for this mom and her husband. I know EXACTLY what it is like. I know what she is going through and what she will go through. May God bless me with the ability to lift her and her husband up in prayer. I pray He will give me words to minister to her broken heart! But above all, despite and in spite of the hurt, to know it was Him who had a plan. It is not Satan who takes away. He is the Father of Lies!  May this family not be decieved! It is our Soverign God who gives and takes away. I pray that they would be covered in His love. I pray that they would be united in their marriage and in their grief. And I pray that this whole situation, as hard as it is, would be used for His glory!

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will leave this life. The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away.  Praise the name of the LORD.”  Job 1:21

Posted in Pregnancy, Thoughts by Mariah, loss || 2 Comments

Catching Up

January 3rd, 2009 by Mariah

Well, I haven’t been all that great on updating what is going on with us. Things have been so hectic around here. But hectic in a good way!! Where do I start??

We found out in late October that we are expecing a baby!  Yah Who! This news was not a surprise, as having babies has pretty much been all that I can think of since loosing Riley. I have had many moments of sadness thinking of the pregnancy milestones that I will be missing and have missed with Riley. But God is so good. He has blessed us with another baby and the joy that He has brought to us with this news, helps to make the sad times more few and far between. I have been reluctant to post about this pregnancy because of loosing Riley. Not that we didn’t call and tell the world - but I didn’t want to endure blog posts like last time. So we have waited, and waited. It seems like forever. But now here I go.. Commiting it to black and white. YES we are having a baby. We are due July 23, 2009

Here in Idaho we have been getting a TON of snow. I have no idea how many inches, but It was a lot! The boys loved every second of it. They had snowball fights with Daddy and took turns on the sled. I can not say that I am a fan of the cold here in Idaho.. And I am not sure I ever will be (Hey, I’m a California girl!) But my kids sure do have some great times out in that snow. I like to look at it, but not so much be out in it.

This year, I had the privilege of making Christmas sugar cookies with the boys. I fondly remember making them with my grandma when I was little; but I have always been too intimidated to do them on my own with my kids. This year I got brave. It was so much fun!  I made the cookies and the frosting from scratch. Brandon helped me to cut out the shapes and bake the cookies, and both he and Tyler happily helped decorate the cookies. It was a lot of fun. But cleaning up sprinkles for 5 days afterward wasn’t all that fun. Funny, I don’t remember that from when I was a kid!

Christmas came so quickly this year! We all got an amazing gift this year. Mom/Nana came to Idaho PERMANENTLY to live. We have so enjoyed having her here. I am not sure who is more excited - the grown ups or the kids. There is one thing that is for sure.. She is loved! Her “little green house” (as she likes to call it) is really nice!  She made all the choices for flooring, cabinets, carpet and tile. And the place looks amazing!  It’s warm too

Then there was Christmas. This year Shaun and I made a commitment to scale it down when it came to presents, for each other and for the boys. Funny thing - we didn’t miss the way we have done it in the past. None of us could think of a single thing we wanted and wished we got. Our morning was low key, and we were able to focus on the real reason for Christmas. The celebration of our Savior’s birth. We had the Hussey family and Mom over for a big turkey dinner. It was a great day!  I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

Well, for now you are caught up.. We are still here and I will try to be better about posting what’s up with the Bucks.. Peace out!

Posted in Brandon, Christmas, Life in Idaho, Mom, Pregnancy, The boys, Thoughts by Mariah, Tyler, baking, snow || 2 Comments

Giving Thanks

November 28th, 2008 by Mariah

As I sit here this Thanksgiving morning, I am humbled at all I have to be thankful for. It has really been a tough year. But through God’s grace and mercy I believe that each member of our family has grown in our faith and that we have grown closer as a family.

As I look back to January’s posts on this blog. We were overjoyed to know that we were expecting a baby. I was consumed with all the details. Should I give birth in a hospital or birth center? How will Tyler do with another sibling? Brandon? What will my baby look like? I imagined everyday what it would be like to hold my baby, snuggle him or her.. And we had Tyler’s birthday. My “baby” turned two. He was just starting to talk to the point you could understand. I was loving being a mom. Brandon and Tyler were getting along well. Shaun and I were happy. All the world was right.

As if it couldn’t get any better, in February, the Hussey family moved to Idaho. I don’t know who was more excited, the kids or the adults. The Husseys were at our house or we were at their house at least once a week. Most of the time, it was 2 or 3 times per week. The cousins were together, and the “Bucksseys” were born.

Then in March we lost baby Riley. God chose to take our baby to be with Him. What devastation! I could never have imagined a hurt like that!  But, in hindsight, I could have never imagined the grace that would be so evident. The Hussey’s had been here for 1 month. Before that, we had no one. No family. Nothing. We had a friend or two, but when a tragedy happens to you, you want your family. God supplied family for us just when we would need it the most!  There was also grace knowing our Lord and Savior through all of this. I don’t know how anyone could survive something like this without Christ. While it still hurts, I am so thankful that our baby’s days were clearly “written in His book.” God, in his sovereignty, had a plan for our precious baby. His plan was for our baby to be conceived and for me to have the pleasure of carrying him or her for only a short time. God’s plan had always been for Riley to go from my womb straight to Heaven. Never having to endure the trials, pain and hardships of this world. I am thankful for that.

I am also thankful for healing. This year I had a D&C, I broke my foot and I broke my thumb. I am thankful that God designed our bodies the way that He did. I am so thankful for healing!

I am also thankful for the right to home school Brandon here in Idaho. Brandon has been a blessing this past year. (he is every year, but especially this past year!) I am sad that we didn’t get to talk to him today. We called but couldn’t reach him. :(  I hope that he knows how much he is loved. We miss him and can’t wait for him to come home! I am thankful that Brandon knows the Lord and that he was baptized last month. I am thankful that he loves his dad and that they have a great relationship. I am thankful that he got to spend Thanksgiving with his mom, brothers and step dad. I pray a fun and great time for memories!

I am thankful for my relationship with my husband. He and I have always been close, but I believe that through the trials this year; we have become even closer. He is my best friend in the whole world. There is not another whom I love more. I am thankful for how hard he works for our family. I am thankful for the fun we have together. I am thankful that we are content to watch tv together at home or to go to the movies.. Whatever. We just have fun. I am thankful for the man that God is creating in my husband. And I am thankful for his sillieness. he makes me smile and I love that.

I am thankful for Tyler. He is a wild and crazy boy who challenges my patience every day, but makes me laugh and smile 2x more. Tyler is all grown up - if you ask him. He can go potty by himself (for the most part) and I am thankful for that!  He loves his mommy, daddy and big brother so much. I am thankful that we have started preschool and Tyler loves it.  He is a smart boy who craves knowledge. I pray that that never ends. I pray that my boy grows to know our Savior. I am thankful for our family.

I am also thankful for our newest baby. I am due somewhere around July 19th. I am loving carrying this baby. Although I can not really feel any of the positive aspects of pregnancy yet, I am simply thankful for the privledg to be expecting another gift from God. I love this baby so much. I can not wait to meet him or her. I pray that God’s plan includes us meeting our baby and that he or she will grow up to know Him.

I am so thankful this year. I am thankful for my God. Without Him, there would be nothing for which to give thanks. I feel so blessed. My prayer is that my family and I remember all the blessings that God gives us each day. That we are thankful and we do not take them for granted.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted in Brandon, Life in Idaho, My Hubby, Pregnancy, The boys, Thoughts by Mariah, Tyler, cousins, homeschool || No Comments

Baby Talk and Family Time

March 18th, 2008 by Mariah

Today was my first day back to work “fully.” I got up, after setting my alarm for the first time in two weeks, and got ready to go. To my pleasant surprise, Brandon got up and decided to ride with me during pick-up’s. I enjoyed the company, and it kept me from just sitting there in the car alone and thinking..

Pick up’s were only ok (as far as the # of pick up’s we did) but I enjoyed the company immensely! Brandon and I talked, laughed and joked practically the whole time. He must have known that I needed company this morning!

 

 

 

 

When we got home Tyler wanted to play the marching game. So we marched through the house shouting one, two, three, four.. one, two, three, four.. (he was counting it out!) We also snuggled in bed and watched Higglytown Heroes. (I hate that show!) Tyler even shared his “appey drink” with me. *That’s apple juice for those of you who don’t speak Tyler* Each time that he gave me a drink, I would say thank you. Then he would respond “yuck ‘um” That’s you’re welcome in Ty.

I am so thankful everyday for my beautiful boys! But especially today. The two of them, in there own ways, have brightened my day! Here is a poem I recently found that I love. It makes me think of my babies, (Riley too!)

Children Are a Gift from God
by Sandra Tolson

 

God sent me three packages
That needed special care
“Take care of these tiny gifts
For they are very rare.”

 

“Watch over them with all your love
And let them feel your touch
Take care of their every need
For you are needed very much.”

 

“These gifts will grow up very fast
As you soon will see
Love them with all your heart
And let them be what they will be.”

 

“When these gifts have fully grown
Look at Heaven up above
Know they exist because of God
And all his precious love.”

 

Posted in Brandon, Pregnancy, The boys, Thoughts by Mariah, Tyler || 2 Comments

Riley

March 10th, 2008 by Mariah

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139: 13-16

For those of you who have not heard our devastating news, I have lost our baby. It happened on Tuesday morning, March 4th, 2008. As I am sure many of you can understand - I am completely hurt, disappointed, saddened and devastated. Words can not express the level sadness that our family is feeling during this time. I do not understand. And yet, I understand completely.

As the Psalm above clearly states. God has/had a plan. Our baby’s days were ordained and clearly “written in His book.” God, in His sovereignty, had a plan for our baby to be conceived and for me to have the pleasure of carrying him or her for only a short time. His plan has always been for our baby to go from my womb - straight to Heaven. And never to endure the trials, pain and hardship of this Earth.

I have had much “advise’ from many people about how I should deal with my emotions and the possible reasons why :

• It was God’s way of getting rid of something imperfect, there was something wrong with the baby.
• You can always have another baby
• Be thankful for the ones you already have
• Better to loose IT now than later

The list goes on.. I know that no one has intentions of hurting me further with their comments. In fact, they are just trying to help. But our baby was not an IT. Our baby was a gift from God. I was blessed to have the pleasure of this child in my life; not matter how brief the time. I loved my baby. I made plans for my baby. I dreamed of my baby’s future. Never once in my dreaming or planning was my baby an IT. Never once in my dreaming or planning did I imagine what God had in store for our baby.

I have decided that in light of the fact that our baby was a part of our family, and was in fact a baby, we would give him or her a name. We have named our baby Riley. I was not far enough along to know if the baby was a boy or girl, but this name could be either.

I know as time goes on, it will get a bit easier. But as for now, I am in a great deal if physical pain. But the pain I am feeling physically can not compare to the pain I feel in my heart. I hurt because I never got to meet Riley. I hurt because I never got to hold Riley. I hurt for Shaun, Brandon and Tyler because they never got to see Riley. (at least I got to see the ultrasound)

And yet I have extreme joy and gladness in the hope that I will see my baby again in Heaven. This is not the end. God has shown me unmeasurable amounts of grace this week through the love of my family and friends. I can not begin to express the many ways I have been shown love. And I thank God for that. But above all, I thank God that one day I will meet my precious baby Riley in Heaven. What a glorious day that will be! Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, (2 Corinthians 5:2) We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. (2 Corinthians 5:8)

I long for home! I know that just as God had a plan for Riley, it is also written in his book when we will meet. I long for that day. Until then, I will rejoice in my suffering and I will Praise Him in this storm.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 5: 3-5

Posted in Pregnancy || 6 Comments

Baby News

February 27th, 2008 by Mariah

I had my appointment with my midwife on Monday the 25th. We did an ultrasound, and were finally able to get a measurement for the baby. (last time the baby wasn’t big enough to measure) Baby is measuring at only 6 weeks. I find this funny because I found out only about 7 weeks ago that I was preggers. So I found out so quickly, that we thought I might be farther along. I am not. I am only 6 weeks preggers.

My due date has been modified from September 27th to October 21st. A big change! But, this explains why we could not find a heartbeat at my last appt. I was only a bit over 4 weeks along. We still were not able to see a heart beat at this last appt. However, the encouraging news is that when my midwife compared the ultrasound pics from my last appt with this appt (Monday) it is VERY clear that the baby has grown. I can even tell. It was so cool to see my little bug and to be able to see the growth that has taken place. Everything is looking good and I am doing well.

My next appt is scheduled for March 25th. At this point I will be 10 weeks. My midwife says that not only will we be able to “see” the heartbeat via ultrasound, we will be able to hear the heart beat. I can’t wait!!!

We will continue to keep you posted on baby’s progress.

Praise God for his faithfulness!

Posted in Pregnancy || 1 Comment

Feeling Good

February 17th, 2008 by Mariah

Well, I am feeling pretty good about things. The pain in my stomach has gone away. And I haven’t had any bleeding since that 1st day - which wasn’t much. (Considering that I had the internal ultrasound that day, the bleeding might not have been anymore than a result of that.) After much reflection on the circumstances; I am feeling pretty confident that everything will be ok. I am finding comfort in prayer. I found this verse in Psalm 112:

He will have no fear of bad news;
his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. Psalm 112:7

And that is pretty much where I am at. I do not fear bad news. I know that my Lord is with me, He comforts me and I trust Him! I ask for your continued prayers on behalf of our precious baby. My next appointment is Tuesday the 19th. Hopefully we will have more news. But until then.. I will keep praying with a steadfast heart - trusting the Lord.

Posted in Pregnancy || No Comments